October; Horror-ibly Busy!

Whew!

I've been trying to get around to an update for weeks, now, but October's been so crazy I haven't had time! I have, however, had lots of breakfasts! I made it out to Golden Bear on a couple occasions (official review pending!).

One of those brunches was a pre-emptive birthday breakfast with a couple of film-makin' buddies. We went out to see the prequel version of "The Thing," which was thoroughly entertaining, and well executed. Is it as good as John Carpenter's? No, but honestly, few movies are; his version is a beautiful example of suspense, horror, sci-fi, and film-making in general. My parents also took me out to Tower on my actual birthday, and I enjoyed the seasonal french toast, a side of their great bacon, and a delicious, free dessert! The next day I trucked it down to Orphan to have a tasty smoothie and breakfast quesadilla!

I spent a lot of free time hunting for various costumes for the multiple events over the month, and it was nice to see the city getting in the mood, too! I co-hosted the Comedy Spot's Cage Match on Thursday, a competitive comedy show hosted by my new buddy Chris Miller. In a Halloween theme, I played my scary-clown-luchador character El Payaso Del Diablo. It was a lot of fun and a good chance to perform on stage again! El Payaso is a fun, bizarre and creepy character to play, a sort of odd mix of innocence and ultra violence. Chris: "So, you're a clown...and you do birthday parties. What sort of things do you do?" Payaso: "Well, you know, I know some balloon animals, and some magic tricks." Chris: "Oh. magic tricks? Like what?" Payaso: "Well, I can pull a guy's intestines out of his ear!"

The next weekend was insanely full; all three days I utilized my pass for the Sacramento Horror Film Festivalto its fullest, spending as much time as I could in the historic Colonial Theatre, soaking up some great horror films! The festival is very well organized, and has a great variety of small, indie films and studio films. The first night I took in some shorts, and then the appropriately named "Vile," the flagship for cinema's torture-porn armada. Friday and Saturday night I also found myself at the Crest for TFO's showing of Zombie. For the pre-show, I found myself dressed as a pimp, out on K Street with my zombie-boxing cohort Rae Wright, yelling at strangers. It was amazing! Zombie was fantastic, and a true Trash Film; a perfect blend of awesome and terrible, perfect for heckling and appreciation!

Saturday I made my way to the Mighty Kong Cafe for breakfast, and some of muy chosen Halloween reading, the wonderful, VanderMeer-edited tome "Thackery T. Lambshead's Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases," a compendium of fictional diseases that range from the hilarious to the horrific. I got a waffle with their house-made sausages, and some one of their renowned muffins!
At the Fest, I got to watch Nightmare Before Christmas on the big screen, and it was followed by tons of awesome shorts. Then, one of the highlights of the entire festival for me, the feature Absentia. This movie is amazing! It starts a little heavy-handed, but contains some of the most sincere acting I've ever seen, and is one of the best examples of low-budget, less-is-more horror ever. Brilliant! Sunday I got to see another of my new favorites, Trick 'R Treat, and a lot of shorts, including the Filmmaker's Challenge shorts. One was my entry; a short I acted in along with Christina Crowe, Sean Kime, and Steffie Hyden. We filmed it entirely on cellphones in a day or three. It ended up winning not only the Judges' Award, but the Audience Choice Award as well! It was a lot of fun and really rewarding!
The next week, I worked the third annual One Scary Night party. I got to have a bit of a bigger role than the previous two years, including the ability to speak! The last couple times I've worked it, I've been a zombie, but this year I got to be the diabolic Ringmaster. The part was a lot quieter than previous years, however, and since my own entertainment is directly linked to crowdwork, it wasn't quite as much fun, either. I spent the next day recovering, especially since Saturday was ultra-loaded!
I scooted over to Tower for some of their incredible pumpkin pancakes first thing. Always a seasonal favorite. Next, I spent the afternoon with family before spending the evening with friends; specifically, the delightfully demented folks of the Trash Film Orgy. It was an awesome warehouse party, filled with fantastic costumes. I dressed up as the Obelisk from 2001: A Space Odyssey (that's right I did!). There was a Link, a Rattman from Portal, Peter Pan and his (her) Shadow, X-23, Mystique, Wolverine, and Zatanna, just to name a few. It was a thoroughly entertaining night, which also included live performances from Tragically White, as well as the debut of the TFO-produced Tragically White video I got to shoot with them a few weeks back!

Overall, it was a pretty incredible month; I rounded it out with an awesome haunted house, Nosferatu on the big screen, and Rocky Horror. Now I'm trying to get my feet back under me for an equally exciting Holiday season. More soon!

Rock The Block

Is part of the most recent effort to revitalize K Street. Across from the Crest Theatre, it's between Dive Bar, a mermaid themed bar, and District 30, a cosmetics ad themed bar. Pizza Rock is a... I'm not entirely sure what the theme is. Pizza. And also... rock and roll, I assume, but more like cliches and a semi truck. For real, there's a flame-emblazoned semi cab over the bar, designed like it's crashing through a chain link fence, for no apparent reason. What semis have to do with Pizza or Rock, I have no idea. There's also a large mural on the ceiling of The Creation of Adam, perhaps the most overused art swipe EVER, except God is handing Adam a guitar. Aside from these strangenesses, and the design behind their logo looking like it was doodled by a high schooler, the set up is pretty cool. The building is cavernous, featuring one oven up front, with a bar around it, and the window into the kitchen at back looking like a giant pizza oven itself. There is a small stage flanked by two enormous built-in "couches" which I assume also serve an acoustic purpose.

They recently bagen serving a brunch, and their food has been getting pretty good reviews, so I decided to check it out. My first visit down there allowed me to wander through Fremont Park during the height of Chalk It Up!, our annual chalk art festival. I caught a performance by the lovely and endearing Autumn Sky, and then moseyed on down to K. I sat on their small outside patio, and enjoyed some hot tea. Their tea selection is actually very good, although I get the feeling I might be one of the few that ever gets it. I had a green tea the first time that was just a touch sweet, very nice. Their brunch menu runs quite the gamut; there's some traditional stuff, a nice selection of sweet or savory breakfast pizzas, and a couple nice surprises. I decided to get the breakfast potato skins my first time, as it promised to deliver nearly everything I love about breakfast in bite size snack form; potatoes, cheese, eggs, bacon, and scallions!

This is almost definitely the classiest presentation of "potato skins" I've ever seen. Add to that; they're delicious! The little slices of fresh fruit was a nice touch. They're about two bites each (NOTE: bite size may vary; I've got a big mouth). I just used my hands because, potato skins. Am I right? They have a tendency to topple, but if you have taste buds, you probably won't care.

My second visit, I decided I was morally obligated to get pizza. After an agonizing couple minutes, I decided to go with the savory Eggs and Double Sausage over one of the sweeter choices (Nutella and Kiwi? Who wants to split on with me?). Luckily, I didn't get a side, as I wasn't quite able to eat the whole thing. Do believe I put in a valiant effort, though! I sat inside this time, trying not to pay attention to the multiple, huge-screen TVs playing football. I did get to check out a guy demonstrating some impressive pizza-dough-throwing for a birthday party, which was thoroughly entertaining. As I mentioned before, the design inside is... eclectic, at best, and I feel it's generally leaning toward the Broquator. They play (as one might expect) a wide selection of rock and rock-related music. It seems a guarantee that there's something everyone will love, music-wise, but with such a broad category that's also a guarantee that there's something everyone will hate. Also, every song from the 90s reminds me of Goo Goo Dolls' "Slide," and I have no idea what that says about me. They do have live acoustic music during their brunches, which is pretty cool; that seems to start around noonish.
The bathroom has that same almost-cool-if-it-weren't-trying-so-hard vibe that the rest of the restaurant has, with fake brick walls and fake graffiti. No one bothered to tell them that graffiti is generally "hip hop" and not "rock," it seems. Also, it was one of the smelliest bathrooms I've been in (at least since Pancake Circus), which might have owed to what looked like a fresh puddle in the corner, and not the general upkeep. There is a reason the city's trying to revitalize K Street, after all.
In closing, I saw this, and it's hilarious;

Atmosphere: 8/13
Clean: 2/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 2/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 7/8
Variety: 2/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 2/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 3/3
Taste: 2/3

Bathroom: 3/5 pts.
Clean: 0/2
Structural: 1/1
Decor: 2/2

Overall: 25/36

It's A Circus Out There

As soon as I stepped foot into Pancake Circus last month, it felt strange that I'd never been there before. One reason is that I've lived in this town my entire life, (obviously) love the hell out of breakfast, and here's a restaurant that includes two of my favorite things, pancakes and circuses, in one breath. The other is that it's a strange sort of diner feel that refuses to acknowledge the passage of time. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode, suddenly roadtripping across the country in the 1950s.

Pancake Circus is endearing exactly because of its strangeness. It's decorated with several circus animal heads, including Winnie the Pooh. No joke, Winnie the Pooh's clearly-a-stuffed-animal face is all over the place. Also Magilla the Gorilla, and a poorly traced Tigger. And scary clowns! The entire register area is a shrine to some terrible Clown deity. I feel like lighting a candle to Nyarlathotep in grease paint when I pay my bill. All of this is executed without the least bit of irony, which makes it simultaneously more horrifying and more awesome. The entirety of the serving staff seems like a bunch of truck-driving grandmas that would be the toughest gang in a Warriors sequel. I never knew tough love was a style of customer service. They may not be the most attentive, but you know they'd have your back in a fight.
"But Morning Constitution," you ask yourself, "what about the food?" They have a pretty big menu, owing partially to the fact that they serve steaks, seafood, and salad, as the sign can attest. My first venture out I ordered the apple waffle, with whip cream. I got some eggs and bacon to round it all off.

I couldn't include a human skull for scale, but this waffle was larger than my face. The whip cream obviously came out of a spray can, and the apples themselves also had an out-of-the-can flavor. Upon a later visit, I ordered the eponymous pancakes, which were pretty darn good, and likewise huge. As an added touch, the back of the check has a bizarre series of clowns with balloons that allow you to rate your service. Here's where I just say it all outright; Pancake Circus is not a place where you go to get the most delicious breakfast in town, but who goes to the circus for the food? It is a place to get a decent, late breakfast, and enjoy a totally demented atmosphere.

Oh, an a cautionary post script; not only is the staff transplanted from a truck stop, so are the bathrooms. Avoid them if you can!

Atmosphere: 6/13
Clean: 1/3
Structural: 0/3
Decor: 3/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 7/8
Variety: 2/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 2/2

Food: 5/9 pts
Presentation: 1/3
Portion: 3/3
Taste: 1/3

Bathroom: 0/5 pts.
Clean: 0/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 0/2

Overall: 18/35 pts.

A Beginning and An End

Today marked the opening of Doughbot! A doughnut shop in the style of Portland's Voodoo Doughnuts, they sling maple bars and apple fritters with bacon, vegan doughtnuts, and more! I rose before the sun to march down there and meet a friend and her daughter so that we could get in on the deliciousness before they sold out! We ran into local musician and fantastic human being Addison Quarles picking up a dozen for himself. I got a Cacao! donut (which reminds me of this Calvin and Hobbes strip);

as well as a "The Dude," a vodka-infused donut that tasted a lot like tiramisu. They're obviously still getting things set up, as evidenced by the fact they seem to have run out of product fairly early. There's definitely a lot of potential there, with a nice big space and the beginnings of robot-related decor. The donuts are cheap, too; hopefully not too cheap for them to survive as a business!

I then attempted to get in on Chalk It Up! Sacramento's annual chalk art festival, but for the first time in years was unable to get a spot! While this is good news for the festival, it's bad news for me. However' I think I'll spend some money on some of the smaller squares and put together a few things; I've been reading a lot of Hellboy recently, and there seems to be some interest in me doing a Hellboy square, as well as a request for Trash Film Orgy's King Kogar. We'll see what tomorrow brings! That definitely freed up my weekend plans, however, and I'm spending some of it soaking up the atmosphere at the downtown Temple location before it moves. Temple is arguably the best coffee shop in town, and this location has definitely played a big part in my life; sneaking downtown when college courses seemed too much, writing albums for bands, taking dates, and just relaxing and enjoying some delicious coffee and tea. It's a very cool old building that used to be a bookstore many years ago, with a distinctive front and booth areas, an odd little bookshelf built into the brick wall, and a fun quaint/funky vibe. The new location opens in a couple days and is merely a block away, so I look forward to visiting that soon and often as well, but today is time for a bittersweet goodbye to a location that's played a huge role in my life, and will always be connected to my life in this city.
I realize I've been a little lax on reviews of late, but I promise there's more coming! Soon; my Pancake Circus adventure and the tales of the Sacramento Film and Music Festival, as well as upcoming visits to Pizza Rock and Golden Bear!

Define "Dinerant"

Now, a "dinerant," in print, looks to me as though it should be defined as an angry tirade about a disappointing or upsetting meal. However, Portland's "The Original" seems to define it as a hybrid between "Diner" and "Restaurant." Since I think we can all agree that all diners are restaurants, this may seem an odd hybrid. Nonetheless, it is oddness that drew me to The Original in the first place.
I decided to consult Breakfast In Bridgetown to find a singular breakfast joint in the downtown Portland area. One of the lovely things about the book is that it gives you the hours and days the various establishments serve breakfast, and since I was leaving on a weekday, it definitely limited my options. But I finally stumbled across the entry for The Original. Apparently when it first opened, its overly (and seemingly overtly) bizarre menu proved quite divisive. Lobster corn dogs, and other such low brow/high brow mashups explain the "dinerant" moniker. It has since seemingly slowed its roll a bit, and the book settled upon the opinion that despite the fact many Portlanders might still hold it in contempt, it is pretty much without reason. Also, it was really close to where I got off of the bus (I tried to minimize my travel since I was weighed down with all sorts of travel souvenirs), and, y'know, open.

They definitely had a policy of hiring insanely attractive girls with awesome tattoos. I definitely felt my lack of cool carrying a bunch of luggage, but swallowed my pride and took a seat next to the window. The place was huge, with a very definite hypermod, 50's World's Fair kind of retrofuture feel. There were tons of fun low brow paintings everywhere, including one wall covered with celebrity portraits paired with quotes by a local homeless artist. I think the reason that Bridgetowners might dislike it is that it does seem perhaps a little more self-aware than most places there; it is very "Portland," but it does feel like it's trying for it. The menu was not nearly as outlandish as the book led me to believe (although I got the impression the weekend brunch menu is far more adventurous).
I went with the most unique-sounding item on the menu, the Creme Brulee French Toast, and paired it with some delicious Stumptown Coffee (aside from being a big Stumptown fan, part of my plan was to keep myself insanely caffeinated so that the crash would coincide with lights out on the train. I was semi-successful).

You can see to the right the full compliment of syrups that come with all the griddle orders; Maple Syrup, a Seasonal Syrup (in this case Marionberry), and Honey Butter. A different syrup for each slice! The bacon was good, and the French Toast was incredible. True to its name, it had the crunchy caramelocity of creme brulee, but was soft and sweet in the middle. It went perfectly well with the maple syrup, and the marionberry was excellent! Just the slightest hint of tartness paired well with the beautiful texture of the toast. The honey butter would have been great on a less sweet dish, but was a little overwhelming with the already-sweet toast. It was delightfully filling, and I got a strong buzz from the coffee that kept me humming all the way to the train station!
As per Morning Constitution tradition, I visited the restroom before I left (the importance to me of restroom's reflection of a restaurant will be detailed soon, I promise). I was a little disappointed at first, that such a design-heavy restaurant -- or, excuse me, dinerant -- would have such a boring restroom, although the deep blue was a nice color. Then I realized that instead of being a simple box, the walls actually curved into the ceiling so that the negative space of the room actually resembled something akin to the Brave Little Toaster. It was a simple, but elegant touch that helped seal the deal, and let me leave fulfilled in my Bridgetown Breakfast experiences. The Original might be trying, but it also succeeded.

Atmosphere: 12/13
Clean: 2/3
Structural: 3/3
Decor: 3/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 3/2 (bonus point for everyone being a supermodel)

Menu: 4/8
Variety: 1/2
Size: 1/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 3/3

Bathroom: 3/5 pts.
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 1/1
Decor: 1/2

Overall; 26/35

Overheard

A brief intermission, as I'm readying my final Northwest journey post, on the fun "dinerant" I visited on my last morning in Portland. I have, of course, been breakfasting in the meantime, and TFO season has started, which means my weekends are full of zaniness and late nights.
For those of you not in the know, TFO is Sacramento's own Trash Film Orgy, a summer Midnight Movie festival that traditionally runs for six weeks, showing awesomely schlocky cult movies at midnight on Saturday, complete with lobby games, stage shows, and prizes. To kick off the season, last Saturday they organized Sacramento's Zombie Walk (an event they are credited with founding!). I appeared on Good Day Sacramento as a zombie, and then worked security during the walk and show. The TFO crew is a group of insanely talented people, full of love for each other and the event, and it's always a pleasure to be a part of it. This weekend supplied Sacramento's Inaugural Mermaid Parade, which I took part in as a tentacled creature with some very good friends. Keeping the nautical theme going, TFO presented Humanoids From The Deep, and the stage show was the musical "The Lusty Rampage Of The Raperfish." I played the titular character, which involved wearing blue tights and an enormous foam fish costume, complete with some fully functioning... equipment. Needless to say, after stalking around splay-legged on stage carrying a man-sized sexually aggressive fish on my back all night, I'm a little sore and tired this morning.
I tumbled down to Tower this morning to slake my hunger. Despite the fact I haven't gone regularly in months (and those times I have, of late, I haven't seen many faces I recognize) the hostess one of the servers recognized me and came up to say hello, a testament to the awesome service! As I was in line to make my reservation, I heard a couple behind me. The girl was advising the guy to never, ever get the Seasonal French Toast. As readers of this blog, and anyone who's ever been the Tower know, this is terrible, bass-ackwards advice. "They put this terrible 'fruit compost' stuff on it," she said, "it's all sticky, and soggy..." Fortunately, the guy could read and therefor could tell the difference between "compost" and "compote," and seemed unswayed by his ladyfriend's misguided advice.

I ordered a chai, in honor of being in the homestretch of reading Ian McDonald's River of Gods, a massive, sprawling, Mievillian novel set in India in 2047. It was a little difficult to get into, but has definitely proven worth it. It follows nine very disparate characters through a mystery that involves Gods and Artificial Intelligence. Having finished it between enacting and writing this post, I'm currently undergoing that mild grief that only finishing a 500+ page good book can bring.

I ordered the Sicilian Scramble, the day's special. It included Italian sausage, and was topped with fresh basil and some excellently crisp shredded parmesan. I was also treated to my neighboring table's amusing story of the woman's attempt to deal with her six-year-old stepdaughter, who has apparently recently discovered the joys of self-pleasure, and is apparently rather enthusiastic in pursuing them.
Unrelated; Tower has also recently expanded their waiting area, and this was my first chance to explore it. They've sacrificed some of their garden to create a pathway with copious seating, included some of their fantastic driftwood benches. There's enough foliage to maintain the "Secret Jungle" allusion, but it helps with the crowds that tend to clog the sidewalk on weekend mornings. All in all, a damn good way to start a day of recouping!

When Hot Cakes Attack!

One of the other recommendations I got from my Portland ex-pat friends (can you be an expatriate of a city?) was the Hot Cake House, a twenty four hour pancake extravaganza. This sort of thing, is obviously impossible for me to pass up. I'd also picked up a copy of Breakfast in Bridgetown, a celebration of Portland's breakfast restaurants! A bookstore that hands you a map, and a book about breakfast spots? Portland is definitely my kind of town.
I took a couple of buses down to where the Hot Cake House was located, being forewarned that it would sit heavy in my belly. The sign had a vintage look to it, sun bleached and simple. The whole restaurant sits heavy in the greasy spoon vibe, although a couple of bubbled alcoves keep it a little more interesting. I immediately felt a bit like an outsider, that there was some code I didn't necessarily know that I should follow. The place was surprisingly empty, but sported a big open kitchen, and a juke box. I ended up getting two 'cakes and a side of hash browns, treated with a bit of that "outsider" I felt at the front door. A large group came in shortly after me, with at least a couple other out-of-towners, and later there was an obvious regular shocked at how quiet it was.

My food was delivered pretty quickly, two football-long heavy plates, one filled with the face-sized hot cakes, and the other overflowing with hash browns. The 'cakes were great; big fluffy suns. The hash browns were slick with a layer of delicious, artery-clogging grease. I was able to get about halfway down the plate before admitting defeat. It was definitely the gut-filling breakfast I'd been promised! From there, it was a simple busride into town before I got started on an adventure-filled day!


Atmosphere: 6/13
Clean: 1/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 0/3
Signage 2/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 5/8
Variety: 1/2
Size: 1/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 2/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 1/3
Portion: 3/3
Taste: 3/3

Bathroom: 1/5 pts.
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 0/2

Overall: 19/35

Home Cooking In The Beaver State

According to popular family mythology, my dad lobbied to name my "Hawthorne" before I was born (as an adult, I'm still not entirely sure this isn't true). That being said, when I had a chance to stay at the eponymous hostel of Portland's Hawthorne district, I felt I had no choice in the matter. Even better, then, that one of my friends' breakfast recommendations, the Hawthorne Cafe, was scant block from my hostel.
I'd arrived in town the day before, and run into my first Google Maps snag; while I'd previously been praising it for helping me get around, this time it directed me to walk across a bridge with no foot traffic. After finally finding a way to stroll across the Willamette River after getting a little lost in the main urban area of Portland for a while, I began the over thirty block trek to my hostel. Still a little train-bleary, this was not necessarily the most auspicious of beginnings to my stay. I did a little exploring, and then promptly passed out.

I slept in a little ("sleeping in" being relative, of course, for a guy who generally wakes up at six in the morning) and then walked the couple blocks down to Hawthorne Cafe. It's in a neat little converted house with a nice yard and outside seating. The service was delivered by the owner, who was incredibly nice. I ordered the mango crepe, which came with half an eggs florentine, and a side of potatoes. The house was very pretty, and allowed for some pretty good eavesdropping (which, let's be honest, is an important part of eating out). The Hawthorne neighborhood is fun, and a little kitschy.

The food was nicely displayed, and very tasty. I almost always expect crepes to be large, meal-size affairs (thanks largely to Sacramento's Crepeville), but I did a good job of anticipating the size. The potatoes were good but not really startlingly different, which sort of summed up the place nicely. Everything was really good, and it was a nice, home-made style breakfast, but there was nothing totally insane on the menu. It was nice and filling, and got me off to a good start!

Atmosphere: 6/13
Clean: 1/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 1/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 6/8
Variety: 1/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 6/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 2/3

Bathroom: N/A /5 pts.
Clean: /2
Structural: /1
Decor: /2

Overall: 18/30

You Had Me At "Octopus"

On my mad scramble through Seattle, I was sure to keep my eyes peeled for an intriguing breakfast spot before I trained it out of town fairly early in the day. I had a couple of patisseries down by the Market I figured I could sample, but then a little something caught my eye in the evening, on my way to a night-time Space Needle ride...

It actually piqued my interest due to a couple of neon-flame chandeliers in the bar area. I'd been snapping a lot of pictures of local neon for a side project on my other blog, and was trying to figure out a good way to get pictures of the bar interior when I saw their breakfast menu. Now, when you hear the title "Tom's Big Breakfast," you might expect some huge, griddle-fried diner fare. Lola, however, offered octopus, walla walla onions, asparagus, poached egg, chives, and yellow squash. I'm not the biggest asparagus fan, on account of the smell undeniably reminds me of sweaty gym socks, and I'm not even the biggest poached egg guy. However, I'm a huge fan of the cephalopod in all its forms, and that combined with local onions, the sheer weirdness of the dish, and a chance to take a picture of those neon chandeliers proved irresistible. I decided this was where I had to have breakfast before I made my way to Portland.

Lola is located inside of a hotel in Seattle's Belltown district, not too far from the Monorail stop. It's a really classy looking joint, and they were very friendly, despite the fact I was looking a little more beach-bum then their typical clientele, I imagine. I sat in a booth and sipped my coffee and orange juice while waiting for the meal to arrive, trying to plan the remaining hours of my Seattle trip. The city reminds me of what would happen if someone from the Sixties time travelled to the future and tried to build San Francisco. They're both Bay Areas, hilly, and artsy, a little funky and proud of it. Seattle seems, comparatively, very clean, and I learned that there's so much to explore than I'd given myself time for.

As you can see, it was prepared beautifully, the jam even came in a little sealed jar, a far cry from the typical tray of Smuckers you usually get. The mix of textures was fantastic. The octopus was not too chewy, nor was the asparagus too socky. The marinade was really good, a very savory sauce that tied everything together really well. It was incredibly tasty and a satisfying way to end my stay in the Emerald City!


Atmosphere: 11/13
Clean: 2/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 3/3
Signage 2/2
Service: 2/2

Menu: 6/8
Variety: 2/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 3/3

Bathroom: 3/5 pts.
Clean: 2/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 1/2

Overall: 27/35

On The Sound

I woke up early in a room that was balls hot and smelled like the inside of a sweaty ear. A quick websearch the night before for the best breakfast in the area gave me a few suggestions, but one stood out more than the others; Lowell’s is located inside of the Pike Market itself, and if you sit on the third floor, it offers you a view of the Puget Sound. The food was supposed to be excellent, too, with the Crab Cake Benedict getting special attention. I showered and tried to grab my belongings as quietly as possible, then grabbed a quick bite at the Hostel, because I figured I owed it to myself as well as you, dear readers, to sample any breakfast available. It was very DIY, with a couple dozen eggs in the kitchen, and fruit, bread, and jam set up on the table. Knowing I was on my way to a meal, and being fairly lazy, I had a couple bits of fruit and some toast.

Then I made my way across the street to a Starbucks. I mistook the Starbucks across the street for the First Starbucks, about two blocks down, and made myself a promise that it would be the only Starbucks I visit on this trip. Having a fresh cup of coffee to consume before I got breakfast, I explored the Market and the Waterfront a little bit. I discovered the Market is a little tricky in that there doesn’t seem to be a way through it to the other side, so if you end up behind it, then you must circumvent it entirely to get around to the front. It also sits on a steep hill, so getting back around to the front involves a lot of stairs. My calves are now full grown bulls. The Market itself is fun and beautiful, very busy with singing, fish tossing, workers; lots of local and tourist customers; tons of enormous seafood; and lots of fun, hanging neon signs.

Lowell’s is funny in that it looks like a free-standing restaurant that the Market has grown up around, with its own distinct façade. Despite the recommendation of the internet to get the Crab Cake Benedict, I decided on the Hangtown Scramble which sold me on being local, and even more than that, a little weird; fried Northwest oysters, green onion, parmesan cheese,and hickory smoked bacon all scrambled up. Having had my coffee fix, I topped it off with an orange juice. A tiny, tiny orange juice. (to be fair, it turned out to be a completely sufficient amount of juice). The view was gorgeous, and I was asked by a couple from Texas if I knew “what the Sound (was),” as they read they would have a view of it, but apparently had no idea what they were looking for. I got to play a little tour guide and historian, regurgitating the history of the Sound I’d heard on the train ride up, and pointing out the Starbucks Headquarters.

It was a fun, sort of touristy way to start the vacation, and a good way to fuel up for a huge, rampagin’ day ahead. The décor was a fairly quaint, Wharf-y, Fish Market feel (surprise!), not unlike 60% of the restaurants along the San Francisco waterfront. Paintings of the Market itself, chalk drawings on the menu, etc. The real décor is the windows, and the city itself. The service was nice enough, and obviously used to dealing with tourists, as they were quick to explain exactly how the service works; the second floor is table service, whereas the first and third floors you order at the register, and find your own table.

Atmosphere: 8/13
Clean: 2/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 2/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 6/8
Variety: 2/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 3/3
Taste: 2/3

Bathroom: 2/5 pts.
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 1/2

Overall: 23/35

Breakfast by Starlight

This morning found me in a train, tracing the Sacramento River north towards Mt. Shasta. After boarding the train at around 1 AM, it had been a very cold and fitful night of trying to sleep on the floor of the Sightseer car. I’m not built for travel (or rather, travel isn't built for me; it's built for people seven inches shorter than me), exactly, and although I was fortunately placed behind whatever the train equivalent of a bulkhead is, sleeping near vertical next to a stranger was a pretty unlikely scenario.
5 AM brought the first slivers of daylight, illuminating a beautiful forest, the first shadows of Shasta, and the ice cold Sacramento, Six AM brought sweet, sweet coffee. Still a little groggy from the melatonin I’d taken to ward off restlessness, I picked up a coffee, a sausage sandwich, and a cinnamon bun. None of the food was sensational, but the view made up for it. The Sightseer car reminds me of the vehicles of Jurassic Park; automated with large viewing glass.

Almost immediately after finishing this little breakfast and stowing most of my belongings, I stumbled into the dining car, and sat down for a real breakfast. I sat by myself at the first table I came to, then was admonished that it was communal seating, and was sat next to a pair of elderly Roberts. The man to my right was a pungent 82 year old, a former teacher at the University of Washington and halfway houses. He was quick to inform you that he was not judgmental, not anymore, although he didn’t understand how men he admired (a category which seemed to include me, and, indeed, most other men) for their physical advantages in our society would end up in jail. He also mentioned a number of times that he’d had a hard life.
Well, I ordered the Rail Way French Toast, forgoing the additional three dollar “breakfast meat,” despite how tasty that phrasing sounded (does that read sarcastically? Because it should). The other Robert takes twenty-day train trips once every couple of years, and seemed to be well versed in the schedule. He was very sharp, and definitely seemed like the type of guy I wouldn’t mind sharing a train ride with. He also ordered the French Toast, so he obviously was of substantial merit. We briefly discussed a number of things, that sort of “light conversation” that so rarely seems to exist nowadays unless it’s the person ringing you up, and I enjoyed my French Toast. Again, it’s a meal that’s obviously not worth the ticket price alone, but given that it’s essentially lower-altitude airplane food, it was pretty darn good.

One of our topics of conversation was drug abuse in the younger generation. Teacher Robert related a story about asking a young man he admired why he turned to drugs; the young man answered that he essentially had no choice, that was the environment he lived in. Teacher Robert didn’t judge this. Other Robert, who it turns out works as a counselor, explained that there is a choice, and that it’s fairly simple; addiction (ie; death) or life. When the train pulled into Klamath Falls (where I write this now), they both hurried off so that they might have their smoke break. Ah, irony.

It seems a little unfair to pit the train against my rating system, since I severely doubt anyone is going to be taking the train simply to eat. If you do, then you're obviously not going to care about my opinion, anyway!

Prologue To An Adventure

A garage sale last weekend kept me from my initial plan of a little local coffee shop exploration, but I'm typing this from Naked Lounge, enjoying a much of coffee and a lemon poppyseed muffin. I've previously noted in this blog that Naked Lounge did not have the best facilities for long-term computer work. That's all changed! In this brave new world, they've installed tables that are much easier to work at, a long bench, and lots of outlets. It might be a little less boheme -- although there are still a few comfy old couches -- but it is much easier to hang out for several hours and get some solid work done! I took a Food Handler's Certification test for work, and tried to work out a couple schedule kinks for my upcoming week.
I'm departing at midnight tonight, and then taking the train up to Seattle and Portland for some much needed R&R. It's been a heavy couple of months, and despite some last-minute vacation plan changes, I'm really excited about my Pacific Northwest adventure! I'm looking forward to, among other things, trying breakfast in some new and unusual locations, so please keep those little lookballs peeled for some updates to this page in the coming days as the Morning Constitutional engages in its first trip outside its home city. Gastronomic adventures await!

Cutthroats!

I had this Thursday off, so I sauntered down to Tower for a mid week breakfast. Their weekday breakfast menu isn't nearly as extensive as their weekend brunch menu, but it's still full of delicious selections; I tried a new Baja Crab Omelette that was really good. In all honesty, I wasn't in the best of moods, but sitting outside on the patio helped clear my head a little. After an unseasonably cold and rainy late Spring, it seems June is here with a vengeance!

Then last Saturday, I went back to Tower to fuel up for the Third Annual Hunt the Grid, bicycle-centric scavenger hunt put together by the Sacramento Bike Kitchen. My breakfast buddy John and I had compete its inaugural year, and had an insane amount of fun. We put together a lean, mean, bicyclin' team pulled from some of our compatriots at the CalStage Clubhouse, an improv workshop run by two of the most talented women in Sacramento.

Pirated up as the Calstage Clubhouse Cutthroats with Kevin and Jawara at our side, we made our way to the Bike Kitchen and prepared to Hunt! We were given a list of items to collect and a list of photos to take. We also received the first of four "Clue Sets" which contained clues to different businesses in town to visit, and a physical challenge for each area. We split up a lot to cover more area, an apparently controversial approach, since at least one team claimed that that was against the rules. Dear Haters; it was confirmed by the Bike Kitchen that it was, in fact, not against the rules. That's why certain pictures and the Clue Set hand-ins specifically mentioned all team members must be present. Sorry!

Well, actually, I'm not sorry. Because due to our hard pedallin', fast thinkin', and Grid knowledge, we came in Third Place! It was a lot of fun, and every team member definitely had their shining moment. We even ended with a twenty-block race against the clock at the end, but still came out ahead of most of the thirty other teams! We got a bunch of cool swag, but most importantly, had a ton of fun. It's an interested way to explore the city, and see it in ways you hadn't thought of before!

I'm planning a vacation at the end of the month, so I'll be taking it a little easy on breakfast the next couple of weeks to help save the scratch. So you can look forward to my notes on local coffeeshops as I grab some coffee, a pastry, and blog from the table!

And then; Morning Constitutional's first road trip!