The Politeness of Strangers in Oakland

Piedmont Cafe and Bakery is just the sort of unassuming-looking, hole-in-the-wall diner that immediately made my mouth water the first time I passed it. Even on a street packed with every type of restaurant, and literally across the street from the incredible Caffe Trieste (all in due time, my foodies!), the Piedmont Cafe screamed out for a low-key, high-calorie breakfast experience. Just the kind I like! Piedmont is a cool little street, the area between MacArthur and where the street literally dead-ends into one of the most beautiful and sprawling cemeteries I've ever seen, the Chapel of the Chimes. Along this little stretch of street there's three bookstores, five coffee shops, one theatre, any food you could want, a handful of boutiques, and one hundred places to get your nails done. On one of our first explorations of Piedmont, the Lady and I began talking to a local in the A.G. Ferrari's, an impressive Italian deli. One of the first questions he asked of us upon hearing we'd moved to the area was "Have you found your closest Trader Joe's yet?" That's kind of the vibe of Piedmont... lots of chai lattes and North Face jackets.
But not the Piedmont Cafe and Bakery! It is salt-of-the-earth, greasy spoon diner at its best. And by best, I mean they bake their own donuts! I'll wait while you process that.

The Lady and I walked in and stood awkwardly in that way that one does upon entering a new restaurant, when a guy behind us came in and sat down at the bar. We looked at each other, shrugged, and sat in between him and an elderly gentlemen reading on his iPad. We eyed the menu and got coffee in mugs plastered with ads for other businesses, most I suspect are no longer functioning. The Lady ordered a stack of pancakes, while I opted for a chili cheese omelette with home fries because chili cheese omelette.
This would typically be right around the part of the blog where I post a photo of the food, but something happened. I forget how it started, but we ended up striking up a conversation with our bar-mate, as it were, the gentleman named Darryl that had entered behind us and guided us, Moses-like, to our seats. This is a fact about the Bay Area. Everyone is nice here. Everyone will talk to you. Whether it's the guy at Ferrari's asking us whether we'd found our Trader Joe's, Darryl telling the tale of how he stole his dad's comic books back from his mom after the divorce, or the cyclist riding up to me to tell me that I had his name (Read, pronounced like, y'know, the name) on my shirt, strangers will start conversations with you and it does not mean that they are crazy. It's a wonderful thing.

So my omelette arrived, delicious and with two neat slices of melted cheddar on top, the potatoes fabulous if not novel, and the Lady's pancakes floated down from Heaven like a half-stack of clouds, and Darryl got pancakes AND a bacon omelette, I think, because he is a champ and it is a biological law that unless you write a breakfast blog on the regular, if you are a human being you always think you want an entire stack of pancakes but you always, always forget that it is almost impossible to complete them. Also, at least one of the employees had a shirt emblazoned with "Piedmond Cafe," perhaps signaling that he is from an alternate reality.
The bathroom, semi-hidden behind a curtain at the back of the diner, is covered with a pastoral mural, which the Lady and I deduce was executed by the same artist that has painted the entire inside of the Coffee Mill, which if I recall correctly, boasts being the first coffee shop in Oakland. This mural, in turn, has been rather expertly graffitied with unicorns, a couple of creatures which are either flying spaghetti monsters or mi-gos, and a bit of metagraffiti which declares the farmhouse is "HELL." So what I'm saying is, it is awesome.

  Atmosphere: 4/13
Clean: 2/3
Structural: 0/3
Decor: 1/3
Signage 0/2
Service: 1/2

  Menu: 7/8
Variety: 1/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 2/2
Prices: 2/2

  Food: 5/9
Presentation: 1/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 2/3

  Bathroom: 4/5
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 1/1
Decor: 2/2

  Overall 20/35

Having The Chops

Good morning again! Today brings reports of another Constitutional, this time to the City By The Bay. It seems a little strange that I've reported back on breakfast in Seattle before San Francisco, but seeing as how SF is only a couple hours away, it's been a long time since I've actually spent the night there (or been there early enough to get breakfast!). My lady and I recently spent a couple days of adventure down there, however, and I made it a mission statement to enjoy as many breakfasts as I could!

Emily's recommendation was for the Pork Store Cafe on Haight. Due to the limited seating, we had to wait outside, but not too long. We sat at the diner counter, a perfect spot to breathe deep the greasy spoon vibe. There's something reminiscent of Sacramento's Pancake Circus in the happy cartoon pigs painted on the walls, only without the unbridled terror the former destination's paintings bring. Keeping with my general idea to order the weirdest -- or at least most insane-sounding -- item on a new menu, I selected "Eggs In A Tasty Nest," while Emily decided on the Pork Store Special. We both go juice, and I had a coffee as well to help restore my humanity. As much as I enjoy artisan, extravagant, exotic coffees, there is a certain charm to burnt diner coffee. It's a different beverage entirely, one you alter with milk and sugar to become a caramelized candy confection, but it is just as enjoyable as a well-brewed cup of Ethiopian. Sometimes, even more so.

The "tasty nest" the menu describes is a delicious mess of cheese, hash browns, garlic, tomatos, green peppers, bacon, and onions topped with two over easy eggs and served with biscuits. It was very tasty, indeed, an huge pile of pretty much everything I like about breakfast. I snuck a bite of Emily's pork chops as she scaled the stairs to the bathroom, and found them equally enjoyable.
Given how busy it was, the service was very good, if not not extraordinary. I sat next to an Australian cyclist, and it was clear very quickly that it was kitschy enough to be a hipster hot spot. It was crowded, but not so loud we couldn't hold a conversation about meditation vs hallucinogens.

The upstairs bathroom has a balcony overlooking the restaurant that makes it feel a little like a Wes Anderson set, and the bathroom itself is covered in graffiti, as any good, hip, urban bathroom should be. All in all, a very fun experience and a great way to start your day if you plan on burning calories exploring and adventuring! More from this particular Constitutional coming soon, but get ready for this next week's coverage of Sacramento's Bacon Fest!

Atmosphere: 7/13
Clean: 1/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 2/3
Signage 1/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 7/8
Variety: 2/2
Size: 2/2
Beverages: 1/2
Prices: 2/2

Food: 6/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 2/3

Bathroom: 3*/5 pts.
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 2/2

Overall: 23/35

*This is a complete matter of personal taste, and could easily be a score of zero, depending on such. I'm counting the copious amount of graffiti as decoration, since it surpasses a few scrawls and is so dense it's visually arresting. However, I completely understand if you feel that this makes the bathroom look disgustingly dirty. I understand, but you're wrong.

Cutthroats!

I had this Thursday off, so I sauntered down to Tower for a mid week breakfast. Their weekday breakfast menu isn't nearly as extensive as their weekend brunch menu, but it's still full of delicious selections; I tried a new Baja Crab Omelette that was really good. In all honesty, I wasn't in the best of moods, but sitting outside on the patio helped clear my head a little. After an unseasonably cold and rainy late Spring, it seems June is here with a vengeance!

Then last Saturday, I went back to Tower to fuel up for the Third Annual Hunt the Grid, bicycle-centric scavenger hunt put together by the Sacramento Bike Kitchen. My breakfast buddy John and I had compete its inaugural year, and had an insane amount of fun. We put together a lean, mean, bicyclin' team pulled from some of our compatriots at the CalStage Clubhouse, an improv workshop run by two of the most talented women in Sacramento.

Pirated up as the Calstage Clubhouse Cutthroats with Kevin and Jawara at our side, we made our way to the Bike Kitchen and prepared to Hunt! We were given a list of items to collect and a list of photos to take. We also received the first of four "Clue Sets" which contained clues to different businesses in town to visit, and a physical challenge for each area. We split up a lot to cover more area, an apparently controversial approach, since at least one team claimed that that was against the rules. Dear Haters; it was confirmed by the Bike Kitchen that it was, in fact, not against the rules. That's why certain pictures and the Clue Set hand-ins specifically mentioned all team members must be present. Sorry!

Well, actually, I'm not sorry. Because due to our hard pedallin', fast thinkin', and Grid knowledge, we came in Third Place! It was a lot of fun, and every team member definitely had their shining moment. We even ended with a twenty-block race against the clock at the end, but still came out ahead of most of the thirty other teams! We got a bunch of cool swag, but most importantly, had a ton of fun. It's an interested way to explore the city, and see it in ways you hadn't thought of before!

I'm planning a vacation at the end of the month, so I'll be taking it a little easy on breakfast the next couple of weeks to help save the scratch. So you can look forward to my notes on local coffeeshops as I grab some coffee, a pastry, and blog from the table!

And then; Morning Constitutional's first road trip!

Waiting In The Garage

Ladies And Gentleman (I'm assuming there's only one one true gentleman reading this, at most), today is a special two-for-one. That's right, two reviews of the same place! And that place? Capitol Garage!

Why is this a twofer today? Well, partially just because I'm lazy. You see, last week a splitting headache (after a killer ICUP show) kept me in bed instead of journeying out to a tasty new destination on Saturday, so I went out on Sunday. I decided I'd return to a place I knew would be tasty, and since I thought I'd be travelling with posse, I chose Capitol Garage. So, obviously, full disclosure here; I like Capitol Garage. It's tasty, it has a huge menu, I have a dear friend who worked there, it has a (some might say controversial) Skinner painting on every goddamn wall. What's not to love? Also, it serves brunch until 2pm, which allows me to get my sleepy on a little longer. So there it is.

I made it down there last week at the heart of Brunchtime, and the place was superpacked. I sat at the bar, next to the Cambros of coffee and across the bar from a literal bucket of mimosa. And here's where the pros start to blur with the cons. They do offer a bottomless mimosa deal for about nine bucks, which is pretty tasty and definitely bottomless, and been particularly entertaining on many a grey Sunday. However, they're a little less appealing when you see them poured from a gigantic pre-mixed bucket. Also, (and perhaps this is the coffee-snob in me) the idea of all of the coffee coming from a cambro is a little disheartening, too. Now, honestly, the coffee isn't too bad, and it makes practical sense, given how busy they are. But still, a little less than ideal. Also less than ideal was that sitting next to the cash register and bartender, when the servers were places orders and ringing customers up allowed me to overhear some of their shit-talking the same customers. Now, granted, I don't expect this to not happen. But just because those PARTICULAR customers can't hear you doesn't mean that NONE of the customers can't hear you. For instance, your plucky breakfast protagonist.

Now, on this visit the bartender took my order, and I decided to nerd it up with Peter Parker's favorite breakfast dish, (Buck)Wheat (Pan)Cakes! As well as a green tea of some sort the bartender picked for me. The meal arrived, and was pretty damn delicious! It came with a small side of blueberries, which paired well with the wheat, but I remember explicitly thinking that there would not be enough blueberries to go with every bite, and that the cakes might get a little dry without them.

But then, to my delight, it turns out the cook had thought to mash blueberries into the bottom of every pancake! Which is pretty brilliant, if you ask me. Also, you can see there's a side of the Garage potatoes, which are far more delicious than that name would imply. What I like about these taters in particular is that they don't go the traditional route, and have a very unique flavor all their own (is it basil? Perhaps in a few months of gastronomy, I'll be able to tell). Although, for the record, I do prefer a garnish I can eat.

But, overall, it was a damn tasty meal. It was, honestly, a little awkward being by myself in such a bustling busy atmosphere (especially when the girl that dropped off my food may or may not have mocked me for reading during my wait). As I mentioned, Cap Gar has a pretty cool visual identity, and I love that they've imported their enormous sign from the last location. That being said, their bathrooms are really boring. The hallways leading to the bathroom have murals so cool I stopped traffic looking at them, but the bathrooms themselves could be mistaken for a rest stop.

And yes, I will explain why the structural design of the bathrooms is given its own point system. Just not now.

So, feeling that I ought to go back with some friends in tow to fully appreciate the experience, I conned some friends into joining me, not telling them about this blog until after we ordered, and mostly just so they wouldn't think I'm a huge freak when I started snapping photos of my food. But first;

We got there, requested a table for three, and asked if we'd like to sit inside or outside, all of which is completely reasonable and, y'know, normal. We said "outside" because it was a stunning, sunshiney morning. This is when it starts to get weird. I thought she responded with "I can only seat two of you outside," which seemed totally ridiculous, while one of my compatriots said she said "I can't seat you outside," and she claims the less-sensical "I can only seat you outside." Which is fine, because that's, y'know, what we requested. So we go out to wait, and see am empty table. When I go to point this out to her, she repeats herself/lies (whichever), and seats us. We order from a server that I've met roughly three dozen times, but never remembers me. Seriously, We've played shows together in basements and art galleries, I've been to his house on Halloween, and know a bunch of the same people. Not to mention me visiting his place of business about a dozen times. Anyway. My friends and I talk about literature for a while (including how Chuck Palahniuk should give up the ghost, and the merits of Piers Anthony, John Grisham, and China Mieville). We get our delicious little fruitplates (which I didn't get when I was at the bar. What gives?), and we talk about... other stuff. For a while. Eventually, we start talking about where the hell our food is. We joke that my presence is such a memory-eraser to our server he forgot we'd ordered. I stop drinking my Kahlua and Coffee so I can have some left in the increasingly unlikely seeming occurrence our food actually arrives. By the time we got it, (without apology), I was so hungry I forgot to take a picture until I was already digging in.

I ordered the Country Benedict (Which I'm categorizing under omelettes, because, c'mon people. Let's not get too picky). It was a damn tasty meal. Biscuits and gravy with poached eggs, Tillamook cheese, and chicken apple sausage. My friend who ordered the simple biscuits and gravy declared it a little too fancy for her tastes ("I'm a Denny's kind of girl,") but I love the Garage's strangely upscale breakfast menu. Their menu shifts at least seasonally, which means that sometimes your favorites won't be there (The Strawberries and Cream is ridiculous!), but there's time to find new favorites, right? Plenty of time. Between when you order and your food arrives. And while our unnamed-server (yes, I know his name) was very nice -- although he could have apologized for the wait -- who knows what he said about us at the register?

And now, an unrelated piece of grafitti;

Atmosphere: 7/13
Clean: 1/3
Structural: 2/3
Decor: 3/3
Signage 0/2
Service: 1/2

Menu: 7/8
Variety: 2/2 (bumped up a little because of the rotating menu)
Size: 2/2 (See above)
Beverages: 2/2
Prices: 1/2

Food: 7/9 pts
Presentation: 2/3
Portion: 2/3
Taste: 3/3

Bathroom: 1/5 pts.
Clean: 1/2
Structural: 0/1
Decor: 0/2

Overall: 22/35

Day After Christmas

Finding all of our friends sleeping through the scheduled brunch we'd intended on joining, my Santa Cruz compatriot Peter and I decided a little Tower Cafe breakfast was in order. We made our very cold way down 16th on foot, appreciating the graffiti on the way.

After a medium wait (which Peter spent pointing at passing cars and declaring, "And you get a puppy, and you get a puppy...") we were seated inside. One of the great pleasures of Tower Cafe is there is always something to look at, like a deranged Easter Bunny went through and hid candy skulls everywhere.

I ordered an apricot tea, and the Carnitas Rojas Con Huevos, which Dad ordered the last time we'd visited. Peter ordered a mimosa and the Fruit Crepe. The mimosa was tasty, but when you can get an equally tasty bottomless mimosa for about the same price elsewhere, it's tough to make the commitment. The tea had a surprisingly strong apricot flavor, which paired better than I expected with my breakfast. The carnitas come in a red tortilla cup, along with eggs, three tiny flour tortillas, and the Tower potatoes. The carnitas were excellent, and the little carnitas-and-egg soft tacos made with the tortillas definitely hit the spot; even the emptied tortilla cup was a good snack, soaked in delicious, salty meatjuice. Peter's crepe was a little different than he expected; it was a sweet cheese crepe, essentially surrounded by a fruitplate. I've found this indicative of most of the "fruit" related items on Tower's breakfast menu, that they don't seem to include the fruit so much as accessorize with it. Still, it seemed very enjoyable, and he ate the melon despite his allergic reaction to it.

Tower has a great atmosphere, and it was a great way to spend a relaxed day-after-Christmas, chatting and people watching. There formed quite an impressive restroom line on our way out, but -- and whether or not this is shrewd design or happy coincidence -- even the bathroom line benefits from the dense, eclectic design sense of the building, as multiple awards and articles line the hallway.

Order: Apricot Tea, Carnitas Rojas Con Huevos

Price: $11.95

Rating: ****

Post CIM

Good Morning and Welcome!

Tower Cafe is pretty much everything I like in a breakfast destination; a large and varied menu, including seasonal items, excellent (and generally attractive) service, and an awesome decor.
This morning felt like a Greek Omelette sorta day, paired with some Cinnamon Orange tea. The tea, while a little light on the orange, went very well with the tang of the feta and kalamata olives. The cheese also tasted excellent with Tower's specialty potatoes. The potatoes are the perfect mix of crispy skin and mushy insides, like a sunburned Twinkie. The tots can usually use a little more of the onions and bell peppers that are conservatively sprinkled throughout, as they add a nice counterpoint to the potato texture. The omelette was large enough to be completely filling alongside the potatoes and a small slice of cantaloupe.
My dad joined me, and we had just finished our annual tradition of calling mile times of the California International Marathon. He ordered the Carnitas Rojas, which he enjoyed. He mentioned that the carnitas were not too dry, as he often finds at other restaurants, and they were served in a bright-red tortilla cup. The plate also contained the potatoes, eggs, and small flour tortillas. He also sprang for a couple mudslide cookies; chocolate cookies filled with a gooey fudge. These also went very well with my cinnamon tea, although it is biologically imperative that I consume milk with anything that chocolatey. All in all, a very tastey and invigorating way to start the day!